Dear Diary

Confidence or Compromise? Love, Dating, and HIV/AIDS

~ Laurie Samuel ~ 1 Comment

loneliness

I attend a weekly women’s bible study at my church where we are currently studying Joyce Meyer’s book Confident Woman. Each week our bible study leader Reverend Adriane Blair Wise dissects this text as she teaches and reveals that God did not intend for women to live in fear and self-doubt but to be bold and confident as we navigate this thing we call life (Meyer, 2006).

Unfortunately for some, the message does not resonate and they end up making bad decisions that impact and change their lives forever.  In this blog post I want to touch briefly on the dangerous compromise some women make in the name of loneliness.  This discussion surrounds the high incidence of AIDS cases among Black women in the United States.

Here are the staggering facts:

  • Black women account for 66% of new HIV infections among women
  • 84% of all HIV/AIDS infections among Black women come from heterosexual contact
  • HIV/AIDS is the third leading cause of death among Black women ages 25-44
  • Black women are over 20 times more likely to be infected with HIV/AIDS than their White counterparts

I can barely wrap my head around these figures.  In the past several decades, we have learned so much about this deadly disease and know that contraction is preventable.  So, what is going on to explain these rates?  Research points to poverty, feelings of denial in the Black community, the Down Low phenomenon, and loneliness.  In the Black community, there appears to be a shortage of mates for Black women due to a lack of availability of Black male counterparts.  Incarceration and perhaps lack of interest in pairing up with Black women are other reasons Black women may find themselves alone. Whatever the reason for the lack of Black female to male pairings, it has created a situation where some are engaging in dangerous sexual behaviors.  There are some Black men leading double lives and are sleeping with both men and women.  Or men incarcerated for long periods of time are engaging in same sex encounters and introduce HIV to their partners upon their return from prison.  Due to the belief among these men that they are straight despite having intercourse with other men, they are playing Russian roulette and are having unprotected sex.  Their female partners are oblivious and many have contracted the disease as a result.

The loneliness factor is an even more compelling reason as to why there is such a high incidence of HIV/AIDS among black women.  Instead of being alone, some women are willing to share their men, which increase their risk of contracting the AIDS virus.  What is so sad and disheartening is the fact that many Black women define their self-worth based on having a man.  I know this to be true based on the bemoaning of friends, acquaintances, and co-workers.  When you look at these women from the outside, you would want to be them.  They are beautiful, attractive, highly educated, have great careers, and have everything money can buy.  But their confidence is masked by these things because all they really want is someone to curl up beside them at night, to be loved, and to feel safe.  In this powerful desire to be a part of ‘something,’ they compromise their values and forget or push aside what they have learned for a brief moment of passion so they feel important, however brief that time is.  They forget that God created her in His image and they forget that they should never compromise the wonderful gift that they truly are.

When talking about HIV/AIDS, compromise simply is not an option.  This is a terrible, ugly, painful, and deadly disease.  Women must learn to love themselves first.  If God has a man for you, then one day he will find you. In the meantime, we need to learn how to enjoy ourselves, our families, and life until that time comes~ boldly, assuredly, and confidently.

Be safe,

L.J. Follow me on Twitter: @CrimeDoc1213

#love #dating #HIV #AIDS #confidence #compromise #ConfidentWoman #loneliness #death #disease #blackwomen #rates #selflove #female #empowerment #ljsamuel #deardiary

References

Black Women’s Health Imperative (2013). Black women and HIV/AIDS. Retrieved from http://www.bwhi.org/issues-and-resources/black-women-and-hiv-aids

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2015). HIV Among Women. Retrieved from http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/risk/gender/women/facts/index.html

Cohen, J. (2004, October 27). A silent epidemic? Why is there such a high percentage of HIV and AIDS among black women? Slate. Retrieved from http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2004/10/a_silent_epidemic.2.html

Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation (2014). Black Americans & HIVAIDS. Retrieved from http://www.kff.org/hivaids/fact-sheet/black-americans-and-hiv-aids/

Meyer, J. (2006). The confident woman. New York: Faith Words.

Weathersbee, T. (2004). Commentary: More afraid of loneliness than AIDS Deaths. Retrieved from DCSistagirlslistserv.

Image: worldsstrongestlibrarian.com

Shades of Gray

~ Laurie Samuel ~ 1 Comment

Freddie Gray

Yesterday Freddie Gray, age 25, was buried after succumbing to injuries he sustained at the hands of several Baltimore Police Department officers. No one knows exactly what happened that terrible day on April 12, 2015 and perhaps no one ever will. But one thing is for certain- Mr. Freddie Gray is dead. His twin sister has lost her brother, his parents have lost their son, and the world has lost another young black man to police brutality. The media consistently reports that Freddie died of a spinal injury but official reports state that his spine was severed, an injury so severe that it took his life. Semantics? I think not. If we are going to have a real discussion on the issue of police brutality, accountability, police-community relations, and steps towards healing then we must not sugarcoat the issue. 25 year-old Freddie Gray died after officers stomped on his back and severed his spine ending his short life. They gave Freddie Gray a life sentence for allegedly having guns in his possession. These officers acted as the judge and jury and unfortunately Mr. Gray did not have a chance.

Police Vehicle Burning    CVS Burning

The match was lit and Baltimore burned for the better part of the afternoon and night of April 27th. While many protested peacefully in the street, others used it as an opportunity to engage in lawlessness. Baltimore residents are angry. Those watching around the country and world are angry. We are all angry. But how does breaking into a liquor store or destroying a CVS Drug Store further the cause in a positive manner? How does bad behavior honor the spirit of Freddie Gray or comfort his family? It doesn’t. It is an unnecessary distraction and confuses the agenda. For those rioting in Baltimore, they are in the minority and they are punishing no one but themselves. They open themselves up to arrest, prosecution, jail time, and have physically destroyed segments of their own communities.

The Governor blamed the mayor for not acting soon enough and the National Guard was called in to occupy another city exploding from the frustration and anger of police brutality and unnecessary force. Not acknowledging the real problem feeds into the Us versus Them mentality between the police and the black community and broadens the divide between these two groups. It is absolutely mind-boggling that in 2015 we as a society are here again. With all that occurred in Stamford, Florida, Staten Island, NY, Ferguson, MO, Tulsa, OK, and many other cities, you would think that we would have learned. Leaders need to truly step up and take action that will be lasting and leave the recycled rhetoric in the past.

Community Clean Up  Rakes_telesurtv.net

The good news is that every day we are provided with a new opportunity to start over and get it right. And this morning, residents of Baltimore let the rioters in the community, their fellow neighbors, and the country know that they were not going stand by and let their city be destroyed. So people pulled out their brooms and got out trash bags and started the slow process of cleaning up. This gesture is creating an atmosphere of solidarity and perhaps the healing has begun. The world is still young and we all must live in it together so why not do that from a place of love and respect? Surely that’s better than putting fires out.

Be safe,

L.J.
Follow me on Twitter: @CrimeDoc1213

#FreddieGray #policebrutality #policeabuse #Baltimore #BaltimoreUprising #policeaccountability #blacklivesmatter #crime #justice #peace #healing #death #future #hope

Images courtesy of:
http://www.wbaltv.com
http://www.heavyeditorial.com
http://www.townhall.com
http://www.telesurtv.net

Women’s Self-Defense

~ Laurie Samuel ~ Leave a comment

IMG_4505  IMG_4483

Oftentimes, we are so busy taking care of others that we neglect ourselves.  Between work, family, grocery shopping, homework, and little sleep, we run ourselves into the ground.  A tired and distracted person is the perfect mark for a criminal.  Reclaim your power by learning how to defend yourself against an attack!

If you live in the Metropolitan Washington, DC area, please join me on May 2nd, 2015 from 4-6 pm for a Women’s Self-Defense class. The class will be held at Results Gym, 315 G Street, SE.  There is plenty of free parking and it is Metro accessible.

Workout like your life depends on it!

Be safe,

L.J.
Follow me on Twitter: @CrimeDoc1213

#womensselfdefense #selfdefense #victimization #safety #defense #crime #justice #care #strength #courage #Results #dontbeavictim #ljsamuel #deardiary

Long Hair, Fair Skin: The Depiction of Beauty in Hip Hop

~ Laurie Samuel ~ 1 Comment

*After a brief hiatus, I am back with another blog post. I hope you enjoy it!

Long Hair Fair Skin

The Hip Hop Industry is a multi-billion dollar platform with wide-range appeal across all sexes and races. Unfortunately, the representation of black women in hip hop along with its accompanying videos is skewed, leaving the viewer with the concluding thought that “beauty” means long hair and fair skin.  Thus, in order to make it to the video screen, the attractive female lead must meet these criteria.

Not only do these images shape perceptions of the black community as a whole in terms of speech, dress, and actions.  But, according to the Cultivation Hypothesis, when people are exposed to “homogeneous representations of social relations” they begin to believe these limited images are reality (Gandy & Baron, 1998: 513). But whose ideals are these images truly based on?  Are they a true representation of the people on display or are mainstream ideals pushing these labels?

What is the common image of a beautiful “video chick?”  Normally she is petite, has a light complexion, long flowing hair (that may or may not be hers), light eyes, and a curvaceous body (Samuel & Brailey, 2004).  There are scores of people consuming these images.  Images that make judgments about beauty and attractiveness and if Drake or L’il Wayne say so, then it must be true.  These images however are but a subset and leave out a majority of beautiful black women who are not and should not be defined solely by their bodies.  So, if you don’t pass the brown paper bag test, then you’re not beautiful? We have to be better than that.

A 2004 Howard University study of black music videos found that the female lead in hip hop and R & B videos was overwhelming a young, attractive, fair skinned woman with long hair.  Many of the women featured were mixed race and played a subservient role to the featured male artist and his entourage (Samuel & Brailey, 2004).  The subservient video girl is your atypical ‘hoochie’ who is almost always scantily clad, placed in sexually inviting positions, and is always willing to please. The beautiful video girl thus is transformed into a sex object whose body serves as the landscape for mainstream ideals, politics, and cultural objectives.  When definitions of black beauty and black female sexuality are defined using this one narrow construct, which is false, based on mainstream ideals, and designed to keep black women in subservient positions, the video girl (i.e. black woman) is reduced to her body parts and her value diminished.

Beyoncé is not the only barometer of what is beautiful.  I mean seriously, do you think she woke up like that???  Let’s start to shed these images and ideals and become more accepting of the unique, diverse, magnificent rainbow of beauty as all women should not be painted with the same make-up brush.

Be safe,

L.J.
Follow me on Twitter: @CrimeDoc1213

#LongHair #FairSkin #hiphop #music #videos #beauty #beautiful #hoochie #blacksexuality #consumption #female #empowerment

References

Gandy, O. & Baron, J. (1998). It’s all in the way you look at it. Communication Research, 25 (5), 505-527.

Ogunnaike, L. (2004, January 12). Sweeten the image, hold the bling-bling. New York Times. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/12/arts/music/12HIPH.html?

Robinson, M. (2000). The construction and reinforcement of myths of race and crime. Journal of Contemporary Criminal Justice, 16 (2), 133-156.

Rhym, D. (1997). “Here’s for the bitches: An analysis of gangsta rap and misogyny. Womanist Theory and Research, 1(2), 63-68.

Samuel, L. & Brailey, C. (2004). Long hair, fair skin: The depiction of “beauty” in black urban music.   Paper presented at the annual meeting of the Southern Sociological Society Conference, Atlanta, GA.

Photo Source: Google Images (Bodybuilding.com Forum)

System Failure

~ Laurie Samuel ~ Leave a comment

What do you do when the system fails a young, poor girl? Who is to blame? What is the remedy for the cycle of poverty?

Meet Jordan.  She is 15 years old and in the seventh grade.  From the start of her life, Jordan was doomed.  When Jordan’s mom was pregnant with her, she smoke and drank almost every day.  In an interview, Jordan’s mom admitted to a daily consumption of 14 beers and at least one pack of cigarettes.  Jordan was the sixth child born to her 31-year-old mother.

Jordan came from meager beginnings. Both her mother and father have criminal records and her two older brothers are in prison for murder. Jordan grew up in a one bedroom apartment with eight other people in a rough neighborhood in Washington, DC. As the only girl, she really had to fend for herself. She started getting into trouble in kindergarten where she was suspended several times for fighting. She had a hard time paying attention at school and grasping simple concepts so she lashed out as a way of coping. Perhaps the substances her mother consumed while she was in the womb coupled with the social environment she was being reared in contributed to this behavior? When she came home from school, no one was there to read to her, go over her colors, or teach her to count.

Jordan survived off of potato chips, cereal, and orange soda.  When she went to middle school, she was held back- twice.  She fought any and every one because that’s all she was good at.  When she was 13 years old, she took money out of her teacher’s purse because her mom never gave her money for bus fare.  But she got caught and was arrested and so began her life of crime.  Her older brother accompanied her to court and told her what to say to her public defender.  And even though this was her first offense, she received three months’ probation.  She had to comply with the conditions such as staying out of trouble, going to school, getting good grades, and meeting with her probation officer but she did none of that because she was accountable to no one and no one was accountable to her.

So, here we have Jordan.  She was forced to grow up too soon.  She hangs out with the guys in the neighborhood during school hours because they take care of her. Besides, she doesn’t have time for school because soon Jordan is going to be a mother.

Be safe,

L.J.
Follow me on Twitter: @CrimeDoc1213

#systemfailure #cycleofpoverty #crime #justice

Note: names changed to protect identity of subjects.