Kindness

Valentine’s Day: Love Not Pain

~ Laurie Samuel ~ Leave a comment

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner.  Dinner reservations have been made and the night will bring flowers, candy, and cards.  For some women however, the dinner will be thrown to the floor in anger, cards will be ripped to pieces, and nothing sweet will pass their lips.  For them, the night means walking on egg shells in fear and fists driven into her chest and back.  For some, the one they love, the one they call husband, boyfriend, or partner is the one who inflicts the most pain.  Pain borne out of insecurity.  Pain borne out of misplaced blame.  Pain borne out of pure evil.  Love is not supposed to hurt.  But the chances are you know a woman that is in an abusive relationship and the beatings have become her norm.

Here are the facts:

  • Every 17 minutes, a woman in Canada is sexually assaulted;
  • 1 in 3 women will experience physical, sexual, and/or psychological violence in her lifetime;
  • College age women are three times more likely to experience sexual violence than any other age group; and
  • Domestic violence homicide is one of the leading causes of death among black women 15-35 years of age.

Love is not supposed to hurt.  Love is not supposed to hit.  Love is not supposed to kill.  This is not love.  Sadly, victims often suffer in silence.  They do not tell because they truly love their partners.  They do not tell because they are embarrassed.  They do not tell because leaving may mean loss of financial support.  And they do not tell because they do not want to hand over the person they love to the police.

Using the body of a woman as a punching bag to work out one’s anger is wrong, monstrous, and criminal.  Increasing awareness, knowing the signs of abuse, and providing safe spaces to victims is key.  These statistics no longer need to be our reality.  Our young girls and women deserve more and need our help.  Let’s end this now.  Change the norm.  Know the signs.  Acknowledge the behavior.  Condemn abusers and help the victims.

Be safe,

L.J.

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#lauriesamuel #crimedoc #valentinesday #2020 #love #notpain #domesticviolence #violenceagainstwomen #genderbasedviolence #awareness #prevention #reduction #cupidssting #nonprofit #resources #safety #DC #Toronto #GTA #Brampton #PeelRegion #Antigua #Caribbean #womensissues #globalissues

Dr. L.J. Samuel is an Author and Criminologist working in Washington, DC, Toronto, ON, and St. John’s, Antigua.  She is the founder of the non-profit Cupid’s Sting where she teaches women live-saving skills to reduce their potential victimization.  She may be reached at info@cupidssting.org.

Assaulted Women’s Helpline 1-866-863-0511

The National Domestic Violence Hotline may be reached at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

References

Jones, F.  (2014).  Why black women struggle more with domestic violence.  Time.  Retrieved from http://time.com/3313343/ray-rice-black-women-domestic-violence/.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.  (2014).  Domestic violence fact sheet.
Colorado: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Photo by: Sydney Sims, Unsplash.com

The Papal Effect

~ Laurie Samuel ~ 1 Comment
President Barack Obama shakes hands with Pope Francis after this welcoming speech during the state arrival ceremony on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington, Wednesday, Sept. 23, 2015. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)
(AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

Last week the Pope was in town.  It was sheer Pope Pandemonium.  People adjusted their schedules and lives in the hope of just catching a glimpse of the Holy Father, Pope Francis.  I had the honor and pleasure of seeing Pope Francis’ Pope-mobile and seeing him address the US Congress.  It was truly a blessing. From his arrival on Tuesday, September 22, 2015 to his departure on Thursday, September 24, 2015, a spirit of love had set over the city of Washington.  The City was calm and peaceful.  Everywhere you went people smiled and discussed in excitement their experience of the Papal visit.  There was so much optimism in the air that it felt like there was a shift.  A shift in the way we view each other, a shift in the way we treat each other.  The happiness was infectious.  I thought that perhaps this was the change we needed and the examples provided would lead to healing of some societal hurts such as discrimination, hate, lack of respect, rudeness, and violence.  Unfortunately, that was a utopian desire as once Pope Francis left the United States, the calm dissipated and we all went back to our normal habits. Wouldn’t it be a better and more enjoyable life if we all had mutual respect for one another regardless of religious background, political affiliation, skin color, gender, sexual orientation, whether you like cats or dogs, or sleep upside down?  It should not be that hard. Really.

I wish there was a way to recapture the feeling of last week…

Be safe,

L.J.
Follow me on Twitter: @CrimeDoc1213

#PopeInDC #PapalVisit #WashingtonDC #DC #GoldenRule #peace #calm #respect #kindness #change #reform

Subculture of Violence

~ Laurie Samuel ~ 1 Comment

The Subculture of Violence is a criminological term normally reserved to explain crimes committed in poor, urban communities but today’s on air killing of WDBJ Reporter Allison Parker and Cameraman Adam Ward show us that these behaviors have not been confined within neatly drawn boundaries around disadvantaged neighborhoods.  This violence has oozed out of areas where it normally occurs and is now everywhere.  Rudeness, dismissiveness, and a sense of entitlement lead to poor and sometimes heated interactions which are precursors to violence.

We as a community have got to do better.  And, we have to treat each other better. It is no secret that those involved in these violent incidents are trouble souls.  They feel invisible because society does not care about them.  Or at least that is the perception.  They have been cast aside by family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers.  This does not excuse this behavior.  Violence is NEVER the answer! What it means is that we need to wake up.  We have a responsibility.  If something is out of the ordinary, say something.  If something does not seem right, do something.  Ignorance is not acceptable.  We can no longer be complacent spectators going through the motions of life.  We all play a vital role in this script. Now is the time to start caring.  Wave at a neighbor.  Smile at someone coming down the street.  Help an elderly person across the road.  Stop at stop signs and let pedestrians cross safely before you gun the engine to move quickly through the intersection.  Ask someone how they are doing and have the compassion to wait for the answer to ensure they are truly okay.  Slow down.  The world does not revolve around you or me.  The only way we are going to survive is if we go back to basics and start treating people kindly, gently, and humanely.  Hatred has crept into places that used to be off limits: our schools, playgrounds, churches, and workplaces.  We need balance.  We live in this world together and thus must be accountable to one another.  Recognize the warning signs and act on them.

Hurting people hurt, and in this case kill.  Let’s do better.

Be safe,

L.J.
Follow me on Twitter: @CrimeDoc1213

#subculture #violence #killing #crime #RoanokeVA #RIP #WDBJ #allisonparker #adamward #prayer #community #neighborhood #togetherness #kindness #responsibility #accountability #justice #peace