No Means No

Love is not supposed to hurt

~ Laurie Samuel ~ Leave a comment

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Today is Valentine’s Day.  Dinner reservations have been made and the night will bring flowers, candy, and cards.  For some women however, the dinner will be thrown to the floor in anger, cards will be ripped to pieces, and nothing sweet will pass her lips.  For them, the night means walking on egg shells in fear and fists driven into her chest and back.  For some, the one they love, the one they call husband, boyfriend, or partner is the one who inflicts the most pain.  Pain borne out of insecurity.  Pain borne out of misplaced blame.  Pain borne out of pure evil.  Love is not supposed to hurt.  But the chances are you know a woman that is in an abusive relationship and the beatings have become her norm.

Like many crimes, blacks are disproportionately represented as victims of domestic violence and intimate partner violence.  Black women are 35% more likely to be victimized by a partner than white women (NCADV, 2017).  Black women are also three times more likely to be killed by an intimate partner.  Among black women ages15-35, domestic violence homicide is one of the leading causes of death.  Love is not supposed to hurt.  Love is not supposed to hit.  Love is not supposed to kill.  This is not love.  Sadly, these victims often suffer in silence.  They do not tell because they truly love their partners.  They do not tell because they are embarrassed.  They do not tell because leaving may mean loss of financial support.  And they do not tell because they do not want to hand their man over to the police, an institution that has historically brutalized black men.

Domestic violence and intimate partner violence is such a complex issue that often those on the periphery resort to victim blaming.  Further in some communities of color this phenomenon is normalized with abusers given a pass.  This behavior is not normal.  Using the body of a woman as a punching bag to work out one’s anger is wrong, monstrous, and criminal.  The black community needs to confront this issue and bring it out into the open.  Increasing awareness, knowing the signs of abuse, and providing access to resources for victims and their support system are key.  These statistics no longer need to be our reality.  Our young girls and women deserve more and need our help.  Let’s end this now.  Change the norm.  Know the signs.  Acknowledge the behavior.  Condemn abusers and help the victims.

Be safe,

L.J.
Follow me on Twitter: @CrimeDoc1213/@Cupids_Sting
Follow me on Instagram: @cupidssting

#ValentinesDay #love #hurt #domesticviolence #intimatepartner #violence #EndDV #abuse #violenceagainstwomen #endthisnow #crime #justice #support #knowthesigns #help #protectourgirls #protectourwomen #cupidssting #nonprofit #MeToo #TimesUp #LaurieSamuel #crimedoc

The National Domestic Violence Hotline may be reached at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

References

Jones, F.  (2014).  Why black women struggle more with domestic violence.  Time.  Retrieved from http://time.com/3313343/ray-rice-black-women-domestic-violence/.

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.  (2014).  Domestic violence fact sheet.
Colorado: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

 

No Where is Safe

~ Laurie Samuel ~ Leave a comment

On Sunday, November 19, 2017 a young woman in Washington, DC was sexually assaulted by a man she thought was an Uber driver.  She was out with friends and flagged down a car with an Uber sticker so she could be taken home.  It turns out that the driver had been let go from Uber but was still driving around the city giving the impression that he was a full-fledged driver.  After the young woman and her friend were picked up, they were driven to the campus of American University where at some point, her friend got out.  The driver then circled around the campus and parked in a remote lot and raped the female passenger.  He then drove her to her dorm and dropped her off.  The female student then reported the incident to campus police who have video footage of the car with the Uber sticker prominently displayed driving around the campus.

No where is safe.  Not work, the gym, Capitol Hill, the spa, nor an Uber.  Why does this continue to happen?  Why do men continue to use the female body for their pleasure with total disregard for how their abusive actions and behavior will scar her.

This past summer, I experienced an unsettling situation with an Uber driver.  After being picked up in front of my home he immediately started asking me personal questions and staring at me through the rear view mirror.  I knew he was jerk and was trying to come on to me.  The driver was so distracted by looking at me in the mirror that he missed the turn to take me to my destination.  I told him to pull over as I was terminating the ride and as soon as I was safe, I jumped out of the car.  Prior to that however, I shared the driver information with my husband and a girlfriend and texted both about how strange the driver was acting.  The harassment is real.  It can happen anywhere.  But you have to take steps to protect yourself.  Always let people know where you are going.  If you do not show up at a designated time then at least they can back track your steps with information such as the car, plate, driver, etc.  And if you feel uncomfortable in a situation, DO NOT push that feeling away.  It means something is not right and you do not have to compromise your safety for anyone.  Be aware of your surroundings and be aware of people- known and unknown as unfortunately not everyone is your friend.  We are living in a different time.  The experiences of harassment, abuse, and misconduct faced by women are not new but now it is out in the open and it will no longer be swept under the rug.

Be safe,

L.J.
Follow me on Twitter: @Cupids_Sting
Follow me on Instagram: @cupidssting

#Uber #sexualassault #rape #Washington #DC #AmericanUniversity #harassment #sexualharassment #sexualmisconduct #abuse #violenceagainstwomen #nomeansno #thisendsnow #endthisnow #crime #justice #selfdefense #protectyourself #beproactive #cupidssting #ljsamuel #MeToo

 

References

NBC Washington.  (2017, November 20).  ‘Fake’ Uber driver accused of raping DC student is released.  News4.  Retrieved from http://www.nbcwashington.com.